I get so unbelievably frustrated from writing essays. I can't fucking do it. I can't write because there are no words in my fucking head.

Every single time I have an essay due, I put it off until the last fucking day and I can't do it. I tried writing my essay on sunday, when I had no power, and nothing to distract me

but...

I sat in front of the computer screen for 3 FUCKING hours, unable to write a single fucking thing. I watched my computer's battery slowly dwindle down, unable to write a single fucking thing, for 3 FUCKING hours.

It's like
I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO WRITE NEXT. Or how I can go about saying something. or anything at all. I don't know how to say stuff at all in a way that isn't my everyday moronic American babble. At least I KNOW I'm a fucking stupid American though.

and now I'm freaking out because I have to get it done. And I can't. And I REALLY don't want to ask my mom for help because, she won't be able to help me. She'll just fucking go through her library of books to try to find me one that might help, because she's fucking crazy. My mother borders mentally insane.

I feel so goddamn stupid. Every fucking retard in my class can write an essay. You aren't supposed to have to even work on the writing outside of class. Theres time in class to write the essays. And every fucking moron in my class has no problem just writing an essay. but I CANT FUCKING DO IT.

After I get an idea, when I start writing, I write random sentences that don't fit together. I write turds that come out of my head. So at the end, I have a messed up rich text document full of shit that doesn't correlate and confusing fragments that I can't make into sentences.

I'm going to fail this class anyways. The only class I will have failed. Writing for college. A fucking elective. Because I can't fucking control myself not to have panic attacks over writing.


there are no fucking words in my head

I can't talk because I don't understand anything

I cant speak because I dont know what to say or how to formulate sentences

there are no fucking words in my head and its driving me insane